2011 is supposed to be a new beginning for me.
Been good, journaling my thoughts and what God's been speaking to me about.
But I dont know what has happened in the recent few weeks. Since the visit to the psychologist, things seem to have started falling apart. Maybe they were never together in the first place. I dont know.
I feel like running away.
I feel like leaving Sydney.
I feel like throwing in the white towel and leaving Hillsong church.
But I know that I cant do that.
And for some reason, I have fallen sick.
And this time, it is not cos of work.
I need help!
How can I be so upset after so long?!
How can someone have so much influence over my life to cause me so much grief?
I really hate him.
I hate ever knowing him.
Why God, why did You allow it to happen?
Why did you allow us to meet?
I hate You too.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
5 Jan - How Interesting
After yesterday's reading of some old journals i had, i am surprised to find that from 2005 till now, I am still struggling, battling with similar issues. I guess they dont quite go away do they? except that now it probably takes me a shorter time to get over the issues and they happen a little less.
Well, I can tell with the mood swings that its loads less! Hooray!
And the issue of faith - in a husband and having my own family, i guess its bit better. :)
Guess deeper issues to deal with than i thought.
Anyways, today was interesting.
Started my day with living word showing me Gal 5:22 - fruits of the spirit. Didnt think too much about it. Just claimed it, knowing that I already have it cos the spirit is in me.
Then listening to John Burns, he talked about the spirit as well.
And also about the journey to becoming who we want to be.
THAT was really interesting, cos the goal that I had in mind was becoming the wife/mother I want to be yet i found it a silly goal. Cos it sounded ridiculous to me. Yet today, I hear John Burns encouraging us to care more about that journey than the destination. And to enjoy it.
Wow!
Isnt God amazing. :)
Just love Him!
Well, I can tell with the mood swings that its loads less! Hooray!
And the issue of faith - in a husband and having my own family, i guess its bit better. :)
Guess deeper issues to deal with than i thought.
Anyways, today was interesting.
Started my day with living word showing me Gal 5:22 - fruits of the spirit. Didnt think too much about it. Just claimed it, knowing that I already have it cos the spirit is in me.
Then listening to John Burns, he talked about the spirit as well.
And also about the journey to becoming who we want to be.
THAT was really interesting, cos the goal that I had in mind was becoming the wife/mother I want to be yet i found it a silly goal. Cos it sounded ridiculous to me. Yet today, I hear John Burns encouraging us to care more about that journey than the destination. And to enjoy it.
Wow!
Isnt God amazing. :)
Just love Him!
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