24 Jan 2011 - What happened?

2011 is supposed to be a new beginning for me.
Been good, journaling my thoughts and what God's been speaking to me about.

But I dont know what has happened in the recent few weeks. Since the visit to the psychologist, things seem to have started falling apart. Maybe they were never together in the first place. I dont know.

I feel like running away.
I feel like leaving Sydney.
I feel like throwing in the white towel and leaving Hillsong church.

But I know that I cant do that.

And for some reason, I have fallen sick.
And this time, it is not cos of work.

I need help!
How can I be so upset after so long?!
How can someone have so much influence over my life to cause me so much grief?

I really hate him.
I hate ever knowing him.

Why God, why did You allow it to happen?
Why did you allow us to meet?

I hate You too.