Its been a long journey.
Its been 8 months already and i am still mourning for my loss. Still wishing things didnt happen.
Although God has soften my heart and showed me where I had fallen short. And i have received His forgiveness and love.
I wish I would be able to receive the same from him too, but that's not for me to worry anymore. Its beyond my control.
I still have my ups and downs. I wish i stayed up more than down. Some things I find meaningless. Like tonight's CNY dinner. I'm sure I will enjoy it. Yet I am not looking forward to it. Not deep down inside. The heart is still aching.
When will I get out of this?
How do I "Be still" and know that God is for me?
He's already doing everything that He can, yet I still have issues. I feel like a failure. How can trusting God be so hard? He's my Father right? He sent Jesus to save me, to give me eternal life, to give me an inroad to His protection. So why would it be so difficult to trust in Him?
Regardless, I hope that as I walk out of this, I have grown stronger and I have learnt how to trust God and leave Him to do His work; be sensitive to His voice and not try so hard.
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