Couldnt stop crying today on the train.
There were some thoughts that came to my mind. I'm not sure if it was the Holy Spirit speaking with me. I reckon it was.
He said:-
- My life has been different from the rest of my friends, cos I am unique and have been called to Him. To do His work.
Cos I was just thinking how come none of my friends have the revelations and knowledge that I had. They were simple women who are but mothers and wife now. They dont seem to face the issues that I face, be it money, personal or relational. To me, they've had it easy. They believe in God and pray to Him and obviously do hear from Him. But I wont dare say that they hear from Him in the same intensity.
=> That struck a chord with me, cos I felt chosen, picked. And there was just overwhelming love. It was not sadness that drove me to tears but sheer joy. Indescribable joy.
I had a vision:-
- I was having a discussion with friends and I stood out amongst them cos the things I were saying were more radical that they could accept.
Not everyone seems to understand and have that revelation of what I have seen/understood. They "get it" yet I can see that they dont! And I am sad! Sad cos there is no one else to share in my joy! I feel so alone. Sad cos I have experienced the beauty of it all, His beauty, His wonder! And I so wish those close to me, all whom I know, to experience it, yet I dont know how to cause it to happen! :(
=> I was called. May not be a ministry like Joyce Meyer or Christine Cain or any of the pastors. But the way I lived my life. The way I carried my beliefs, THAT would have a huge impact on the people around me.
I was made different. I dare to speak up and speak my mind and stand unfaltering even when challenged. I can see that that strength came form God. So that He can call me to do the work that He has.
My salvation was just part of His great plans.
My favour and blessing is just a bonus from being called to do His work.
My suffering is to grow me, so I can have a revelation. He who is forgiven much loves much.
I dont know about forgiven much. But I know I have been loved much! I just feel so underserved, yet He has made me more than what I thought I was. And I know that there is so much more!
I dont know if the rest of my friends in bible college had the same revelation. I sure hope they did. But I know not everyone who attends bible college is called to do His work.
I struggle with the material of the world - to provide for myself. But I need to trust in God that He will provide for me. So no more worries. When it comes, just cast it on Him!
Even if He doesnt change my immediate circumstances, He will provide. He will bring me through the situation and I will come out of it stronger, closer to Him, and cleaner.
hmmm why did that word come to mind? Cleaner...
well, I am being purified in the flames of God isnt it? He is cleansing me of all the impurities that was built up in this world isnt it?
God is amazing.
I love Him, cos He first love me.
Suddenly I have a glimpse of this truth. I never got it before, but now, slowly, I see a glimpse of the magnificence of it.
Praise God!
Amen!
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