After days of "not dealing" with the situation, cos its "none of my business", finally, I've come face to face with the fact that I had messed up. I stuffed up. And now he is gone.
The blame is no longer on him, on the choices he made. Regardless of the choices he made, I loved him. Yes he was selfish. Yes he is immature. And no, I dont want a man who will walk out on me cos he cant persevere and want the quick way out. But the fact is I loved this guy and I guess still do.
Little memories start creeping in. I was able to shove them aside for awhile. But now I'm just too tired. I am upset. And I really miss him. And I really wished that I was the one who would be able to be at events with him rather than her. Bear Grills. Its one of his favourite programs.
I have no one else to blame. I have stuffed up. And I can only rely on God's grace and forgiveness. To provide another for me. To craddle me in His arms and tell me everything will be ok. To heal my broken heart and my brokenness.
I really wish he would come back.
*cries*
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