I totally did not like the feeling of being on the anti-depressant. I felt like I had heaps of coffee. my skin was crawling. my head and back of neck was cold. it was awful.
i felt like throwing up. i couldnt eat. nothing i ate could satisfy me or fill me. I couldnt even sleep it off. my heart was pounding in my chest. I felt so depressed i wanted to end my life, yet i felt a certain amount of "peace". i had knowledge that i had a flood of emotions, yet i felt all other emotions except the flood of emotions. it was such a weird feeling.
i swore not to continue it. and my medication was only 10mg and i had such huge reactions.
yet last night and this morn, when i realised that i am nothing to ben at the moment, i didnt feel a thing. in fact i felt peaceful. i think the medication was still working. cos i felt a faster than normal heart beat still. i felt so tired. i didnt wana do anything. so tired. so lethargic.
out of the blue, at around 930am, suddenly a rush of emotions came in. fear settled in my heart. i couldnt even figure out what i was fearful about. i just felt it grip my heart. i felt kinda dizzy. i wanted out. i felt the downward spiral. it was crazy.
i dont know. perhaps i will just take 5mg and see how it goes. i cant afford this dip in emotions. i cant let fear grip my heart. i'll talk to allan about it first. see what his experience was.
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