Is he a rebound again?
Or am I his rebound?
He hasnt called or texted since that standoff yesterday morning.
Is he angry with me? Did he find the whole drama too much for his liking? Or is he just purely too busy to think about anything as he said before. I dont know. I am not in SG.
Even if I was, I probably wouldnt know either.
His fb is not the best gauge. i cant tell who he is from his fb. It doesnt say much. In fact what it says terrifies me. It seems to show a different person to whom I converse with on the phone. The person on the phone sounds more like the Ben I know. The Ben on fb seems to be a totally different person to who I know.
When Ben came back into my life, it seemed like a prayer answered. But I really dont know. And I guess only time can tell. And that means patience. That means waiting. Waiting for God to confirm. Waiting for Ben to prove that he is what he says he is - committed and unwilling to let me go and able to put up with me and handle me.
If this relationship is from God, then God will move. He will confirm. Even if nothing is starting yet, He will give me a confirmation. And the confirmation I have asked for is for Ben to get in contact with me before the end of May. Its already the 18th. Which means, less than 2 weeks. Yet the wait seems so far away. I really wish he would call now.
But I guess, if I dont wait, I'll never know if he is the one.
Why do I like him so much even though we have not met in 13 years? I dont know much about him and how he is, yet I am drawn to him. Why? How?
Is he drawn to me too?
Has he been thinking about me?
Are we a good match? He is brand conscious now (cant remember if he was before) but I am far from being brand conscious.
Is yiling right that we shouldnt get together? Or is that from the devil? I dont know. I only know that I can only trust God and if God doesnt bring him back into my life, then I really have to let it go and walk away.
I really wish that he was here.
I miss his voice. i miss the attention I was getting too. Maybe that was what I was attracted to, not Ben. I dont know. :(
God help me.
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