Regardless of what I feel, at least I learnt something last night.
Allan's sharing about his breakup with Sylvia and his obedience/sensitivity to the Holy Spirit just helped me to realise how God had been speaking to Toulia. And his choice to be with Melinda I know is not from God. God released him because he had been unwilling.
I'm pretty sure of it. The coincidence in Sept during his bday and the incident in Dec were obvious. I'm sure God was speaking to him as He was to me. I know I disobeyed.
Regardless, I know God will not abandon me. He chose to walk away despite what God was saying/doing and refuse to listen or take heed. That only meant he was not sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And that is fine. If he did not want to step up, God has someone else.
As for Ben, I do not know what is going on. Not sure to ask or not. But since I strongly believe it is the guy who should do the pursuing, then I'll leave it to God to bring him to me. And if He doesnt, then its not him.
I will guard my heart and not be affected by the flowery words that he had been using.
There seems to be a change yesterday/today. I dont know why or what caused it. But he seems distant.
I do not want another man who doesnt have the courage to speak his mind and emotions to me and is afraid of rejection. Enough is enough. It can and will only cause problems. If he doesnt find his tongue to tell me that he likes me, then regardless of what he "jokes" about and his offers and his choices of words, they mean nothing.
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