15 Feb 2011 - Hate

I hate him. I absolutely hate him to death!

I hate what he did to me. I hate falling in love with him. I hate still loving him. I hate that he chose to walk away. I hate that he is so nonchalant in church.

My heart is getting torn apart. Each and every day. I hate this torture. I hate his cowardice. I hate that he had no courage to fight this battle with me. I hate that he couldnt trust me. I hate him for not trusting God enough to see this through!

I hate him!

I wish I can give all these to him and cause terrible guilt in him that is irreparable. That he cant move on. But this can only happen if something should happen to me. And its never going to happen. I cannot allow myself to be affected by him any longer!

I hate myself!
I've said this a thousand times yet I am still affected by him!

I said that I want to go out and just flirt with all the guys possible in church who would turn an eye to me. I want to make him jealous!

But I cant do it.

Who knows what I am going through?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I hate You!
I hate the pain I am going through.

There's nothing special about him. He is just like any other guy.
All he wanted was sex!
Yet he wanted to do the right thing. If not for God, we would have had sex everyday!
How different is he from any other worldly guy?!

Jerk!
I hate him!