Had a sudden desire for mom, to be curled up next to her, to have her by my side, to tell me that everything is ok.
I have not been able to cope - emotionally, physically, mentally.
I can tell alot of changes are happening. Processing things differently, self-control and surrendering. But it just feels so difficult.
Physically i'm feeling odd. Not sure if it is the lack of nutrients or its the overwhelming emotions that's affecting me or a change in the way I behave and my mind is just so uncomfortable. (just like Mary Sutherland's example of a pair of new contacts)
Whatever it is, I know that it will pass. But suddenly just want mom around. Miss her smell. and her touch. Cant leave to go back. So alternative is to fly her here.
Perhaps saw the window of opportunity cos Annie is going away for 2 weeks. So the place will be less crowded. Whatever the reason is, calling home and speaking to mom felt good. Regardless of what she said, holding the phone and hearing her voice sounded so good.
I feel like self-pity. However, I know this is a season. It is not permanent. God is faithful and He has claimed all responsibility to what man and devil has done in my life and He has already lined up all the solutions to the issues and the restoration to the damage done.
It will all be good.
Jer 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you , not to cause you harm. Plans for a hope and a future.
And I will see breakthrough this year in 2011.
I need to move forward. I need to look forward.
Proverbs 4:24-26
24 Keep your mouth free of perversity;
keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
25 Let your eyes look straight ahead;
fix your gaze directly before you.
26 Give careful thought to the[a] paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways.
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