8 Feb 2011 - I will keep my eyes on YOU

When I think of the resolution that Toulia made, I feel disheartened and hopeless. And it is this hopelessness that kills me off. I become paralyzed and unable to do anything.

Reading about condemnation being the root of all sicknesses and problems, I can understand what he was going through, and what I went through too. Not that I am better off now, cos I still fight it daily, but I know where to run to.

Knowing that God loves me and He is the only one who can do anything in my situation now and that only in Him I can place my cares, the following phrase rings true in my ears:-

I will see this season through. I will fix my eyes on You.
I know that You are here with me. Your love will light the way.

Whenever I think about toulia's decision, I remember the face he wore with reserve and the unmoving sound of his voice. I hear the determination in his voice as well to walk away from all of this. I cant help but doubt that God can do anything.

But honestly, I have no choice. God is the only one I can rely on. If the Master of the Universe, my Maker and Creator CANNOT do anything about this situation, then what can I, little created weak human being do about it?

I can only surrender. So might as well surrender it to Him, the Almighty and believe that He will create miracles and draw toulia back to me again. Only if it is in His plans.

If it is not, then I'm sure He will have someone for me and He will cause me to forget toulia.

I guess I have difficulty trusting God cos He did not fulfill the dream that I had cast unto Him, to be internationally known as a movie star. And the only reason I could give was that it was not good for me.
So perhaps Toulia is not good for me and thus God has not brought him back.

I have to trust Jesus, that He is doing everything He can for me in my situation. And that God loves me and wants the best for me. So I just have to trust Him with blind faith! There is no other way!

Its a choice and I will have to make that choice daily. Even if it might start with a struggle. But it'll all turn out good.